2011年6月1日 星期三

Discussing Cause-1

I am a business administration student, and I have been asked to analyze the reason why the music store closed. After reading the case, the graph, and the table, I found several reasons result in its failure. First, the location of the music store was outside of town, and only three miles away from a shopping center that has two large music stores. That might disperse the quantity of customers. Second, most of the dwellers here are of the age from forty-one to more than sixty, their favorite would be classical music or folk songs, but most of CDs that the owner had brought a lot was hip-hop and rock music. That doesn’t fit the elders’ favor. Third, the time that the owner chose to open his store was Monday to Friday from 1 to 5 p.m., compared with other time from Monday to Friday, people who would pass by the store are less. And the store doesn’t open on weekends while passersby would be the most. So the customers would not buy CDs in the store. Last but not the least, the store would not accept checks or credit cards, that will make customers feel inconvenient. According to reasons above, people will not surprised if the store was closed.

8 則留言:

  1. most of the dwellers here are of the age from forty-one to more than sixty, their favorite would be classical music or folk songs
    這裡有兩了句子,但沒有連接詞喔!
    應該重新起一個句子

    people will not "be" surprised if the store was closed

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  2. and only three miles away from a shopping center that has two large music stores.
    裡的 has two 我會用過去式
    most of the dwellers here are of the age from forty-one to more than sixty, their favorite would be classical music or folk songs
    要也連接詞喔!

    妳一開始是用過去式(the location of the music store was outside of town)
    但到後面卻是用現在式,時態統一吧!

    以上~

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  3. Second, most of the dwellers here are of the age from forty-one to more than sixty, their favorite would be classical music or folk songs,
    沒有連接詞!
    most of CDs that the owner had brought a lot
    most和a lot可以刪掉一個吧

    時態要統一~~

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  4. Second, most of the dwellers ..., their favorite would ..., but most of CDs that the owner had brought a lot was ...
    在下想這樣修改:
    "Second, most of the dwellers..., whose favorite would ..."
    另,楔楔是真的要寫"brought"嗎?亦或"bought"?

    And the store doesn’t open on weekends while passersby would be the most.
    …在下想把"while"改成"when"吔…

    需留意時態。


    喜歡這篇文章,
    列點詳盡、清楚。

    如有誤,請不吝嗇指教。

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  5. 1.After reading the case, the graph, and the table, I found several reasons result in its failure.
    ﹡result→resulting
    2.That doesn’t fit the elders’ favor.
    ﹡favor在這邊妳想翻成什麼呢@@?

    ﹡時態要統一哦。
     以上,淺見…

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  6. 時態一致會比較好

    Second, most of the dwellers here are of the age from forty-one to more than sixty, their favorite would be classical music or folk songs,
    無連接詞

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  7. but most of CDs that the owner had brought a lot was hip-hop and rock music.
    was要改成were@@?

    Last but not the least, the store would not accept checks or credit cards, that will make customers feel inconvenient.
    逗號後面不能放that吧
    改成which吧:D

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  8. 時態不一致
    most of CDs that the owner had brought a lot 感覺怪怪的
    people who would pass by the store are less是fewer哦

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