2011年3月2日 星期三

The story I had read in my childhood-revised

  The story I had read in my childhood is Prey. The story was began in a office of a group of scientists. They had created some objects which were formed by billions of 奈米塵埃. After a long time doing experiment, they found that the objects began to have its own consciousness. As time passed by, those 奈米塵埃had grown more intelligent and cunning. But those objects needed to resupply some energy. As the result, those objects started to attack human beings and ate them. So the scientists had not only to escape from the objects but also eliminate them. At the end, some of the scientists survived, but most of them died in those objects' attack. This story was so interesting that had impressed me a lot.

老師...我的是看到有人給訂正就去改...所以來不及分成兩篇就改完了...所以就沒有分2篇...

13 則留言:

  1. 前面是"an" object後面是these object"s"覺得怪怪的
    不知道是什麼時候從一個變成很多個

    As time "pass" by我覺得用過去式比較好

    最後第二行"tp"是to吧!

    最後一句的not only A but also B
    A和B是要相同的東西
    所以應該改為
    →So the scientists had not only to escape from the objects but also to eliminate them.

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  2. 第一行應該是用was.began吧
    用過去式比較恰當
    第二行改成was formed by
    第四行as time passed by
    第五行needed
    第六行的tp是啥???
    最後一句用法錯誤
    這篇文章沒有結論句.....
    p.s.不客氣=目

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  3. 贊同NoNo"not only...but also"的用法。
    奈米的英文是"nano"。
    僅此。

    請問這是《獵魂》嗎?還是小說?
    --想看。

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  4. To 數小&宜珍:
    謝謝提醒=ˇ=
    我改過了
    是說結論句有點難下...
    正在努力中

    To 妤如:
    謝謝你的提醒囉=ˇ=

    恩..這是小說喔~
    叫奈米獵殺
    算是滿精采的科幻小說
    學校圖書館有

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  5. revise之後我好像就找不到錯誤了XD

    聽妳講過內容感覺還不錯ㄎㄎ
    可是好像有點恐怖XDDD

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  6. To ㄇㄒ:
    哈哈我都歡樂了XDD

    去看~很精采=ˇ=

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  7. They had created some objects which was formed
    was是不是要改成were阿
    因為前面是複數~~~~~

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  8. 因為revised所以我沒有看到錯誤!

    以上~
    ((超簡短XD
    我盡力了!
    想看ING
    但時間不夠..
    算了
    =目

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  9. 喻筑阿...
    你要不要把它分兩篇?
    老師說不定不給你分數...
    (完全跟文章內容沒有關西的建議)

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  10. 1.So the scientists had not only to escape from the objects but also to eliminate them.
    →So the scientists had to not only escape from the objects but also eliminate them.
    2. At the end, some of the scientists survived, but most of them died in those objects' attack.
    → At the end, some of the scientists survived, but most of them had been dead in those objects' attack.
    3.This story was so interesting that impressed me a lot.
    →This story was so interesting that it had impressed me a lot.
    (以上,淺見…)

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  11. To 姚薇:
    其實...我看不懂你在講什麼...

    To 姜姜:
    我會記得分兩篇的
    謝謝=ˇ=

    To 冠伶:
    謝謝你的指教(?)

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